Climate Change Barbie

Climate Change Barbie Hits the Road

Introducing the newest false product from Stuff You Can't Have: Climate Change Barbie. She joins the ranks of the predicted 25 million to one billion refugees who will be forced to flee their homes over the next 40 years due to drought, floods, famine, and other climate-related threats.

Because water is scarce and temperatures are rising, Barbie has chopped off her locks and seldom shampoos or bothers to comb it. She sports the "black mask" many eco-migrants have painted on around their eyes to reduce glare from the sun.

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During hot weather Barbie wraps a versatile single piece of cloth around her waist and then between her legs to form cropped, baggy pants. 

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All eco-migrants who consider themselves Sixth Extinction adherents carry pouches of heritage seeds. Ever since the Global Seed Vault located in the arctic circle in Norway flooded due to global warming at the end of 2016 as the permafrost began to melt, Barbie and others realized a fail-safe back-up method was needed. That method was to give individual migrants small doomsday pouches of precious heritage seeds so that when and if climate change can be slowed or reversed, humans will have a shot at growing a wide variety of crops again.

Doomsday seed pouch

Pack with retractable solar panels

Barbie's backpack has retractable solar panels that are hooked up to a rechargeable battery inside the pack.

More about the pack and its contents below.

Close-up: Pack with retractable solar panels, side pockets for water bottles

Pack straps

Pack solar panels deployed

Inside the pack there is an assortment of supplies.

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Tools

Solar oven closed for storage

Setting up the solar oven

Solar oven fully assembled

Climate change isn't only about heat, drought, and deserts — there are also superstorms, floods, and periods of unseasonably cold weather. As a seasoned eco-migrant, Barbie is ready for whatever happens next. Or at least she hopes she is.

And finally, Barbie needs a place to rest her head on her long trek to nowhere (most countries have closed their borders by the year 2025, refusing to accept any eco-migrants). Her poncho converts into a tent.

Note that development of every item and accessory in Barbie's wardrobe and equipment is based on the anticipated needs of human eco-migrants as predicted in a range of scientific reports and academic papers. And that failure of the Doomsday Seed Vault in the Arctic Circle? It really happened: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2017/may/19/arctic-stronghold-of-worlds-seeds-flooded-after-permafrost-melts.

Search terms: Climate change Barbie, eco-migrant Barbie, global warming Barbie.